From Agape Love Comes Phileo Love
“There’s no rivalry in true friendship love and you can have it with more than one. There is no competition, only completion. There’s no division. It’s a holy union that causes us to want to come together - not one that makes us feel we have to.”
Phileo love: What is this kind of love? And how is it different than Agape love?
Phileo love is the love Jesus had with the disciples and the love they had for each other. It's friendship love, brotherly love.
Proverbs 17:17 tells us a friend loves at all times..
Dear friends, let us love one another, for everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God (1 John 4:7-8)
I see many Christians today starving for Phileo love (friendship love), because they try to function in Agape love only. That is a different expression of love.
In ministry, we love God's people because God's love flows through us, empowering us to love the unlovable and to do good to those who spitefully use you (we are not to be used by anyone) and say all manner of evil against you. But you would not want to bring that person into your home or into your confidence.
Jesus confided in his disciples, sharing mysteries of the Kingdom.
He laughed and danced and talked with them. He broke bread with them and washed their feet. Phileo love builds camaraderie, unity loyalty, devotion and fellowship. It is friendship love.
We must be very perceptive in God to discern who to give our Phileo love to.
Jesus said to his disciples, "My command is this, love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no man that he would lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-14
Religion gets the love of God warped and defiled, telling you to just love those who abuse you, and to allow yourself to be dishonored. More Christians than I can count currently only have a superficial love with no depth to it. They haven't yet experienced brotherly love, friendship love, Phileo love.
They go past love. They think they are to Phileo love just anyone, and not everyone is theirs to Phileo love. Some are your assignment and you love them with God's love. You love them from afar, until Phileo love develops.
Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. IT DOES NOT DISHONOR OTHERS. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always trusts, always hopes, always protects, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
You will see this kind of love even in the world, Phileo love. It creates a bond of heart, and that is why love never fails because if you have a worldly friend and you are walking in the love of God, you can lead them to the Father. Love never fails me.
The danger is when we misplace our loyalty and we give our hearts to the wrong people. It creates unhealthy soul ties.
I knew a sister once and in her brokenness she tried to befriend those who were like her. They shared each other's miseries. It was very toxic because all they had in common was pain.
This is how unhealthy unions occur. Eventually she learned how to love herself. For it is written, love your neighbor as yourself. This means we must love ourselves.
Self love has healthy boundaries and values unspoken that will cause you to create an atmosphere of worth and value, of integrity and a trustworthy character. We must love ourselves before we can have a healthy friendship. Otherwise, we become people pleasers. This always leaves a void and it's hollow. The only ones to gain are the people. It goes one way - out.
That's not healthy. When we love ourselves we don't need outside affirmations. When we are in God's love we don't need outside affirmations.
Friendship love (Philio love) isn't something you have to work at. It's something that develops and becomes with time invested, and it does no wrong. It's transparent and authentic, real and wholesome.
It takes investing in. It's flexible, it's yielding.
How do we get away from those who want us to please them? They only like you when you agree with them but get very disturbed if you have a thought of your own. This is bondage. It's great bondage and very harmful.
Lets say you have 10 people want to go eat sushi. You don't like sushi. Five of them try to convince you to go. Five say, “I honor your decision, we'll miss you being there but we're going to enjoy it.”
Remove the first 5 from your inner circle. They would bend you and try to convince you. What you value has no consequence to them. They do not value you and you are not heard. That will cause you to feel you have no voice. It is very toxic. They want to wear you down. Many Christians do this to each other.
The second five are Phileo material, because you were heard, honored and it gave you value to decide and to have your decision respected. This is a foundation to build on. When we are in the Holy Spirit, we give place for him to work in both our lives. We don't need to do his work.
There's much to be learned about Phileo love. It's a gift God gave us. Who do you see as your Phileo friend? Those you enjoy. Those you want to hang around and fellowship with, even outside of ministry.
Ministry is Agape. Phileo is personal life experiences.
The Lord is illuminating this for us all. Many times, we have felt the Agape love of God from others and we want to be their friend.
But, in person there doesn't seem to be anything there. Don't be hurt. Don't feel rejected. Don't take offense. It's a different kind of love.
You are welcome in the beloved. You are welcome to thrive and grow and increase and become. Agape love is a far different love. A whole different realm and purpose. This love is only about the Father's business and enables us to go into any circumstance and be welcomed, because it's God. You can also just as quickly be gone. It is missions work. In Agape love, you can rise above differences for the greatest good of the Kingdom. But in Phileo love, it is simply loving you for you.
Invest in these. Invest in yourself. Invest in nurturing Phileo love.
Which one are you in the group of ten who wanted sushi? The Lord said in this season, He has made a distinction because we get so consumed in ministry pursuits and wanting to be seen and accepted, yet feel unseen and heard. Perhaps they have been the five who tell you to come.
Jesus compels us.
Jesus woos us.
Jesus values us.
Jesus honors us.
Jesus sees us.
Jesus hears us. He's a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
Let Him teach us. He didn't hang around the Pharisees and Sadducees. He befriended those who had incredible hearts.
David was considered God's friend because he had a heart for God's people. Jesus is our friend. A friend is born for adversity. The friends that will emerge as real friends are those who show up for you when no other did. Cherish them and build on that.
Don't be used or silenced. Be strong in the Lord and He will guide you. You will have honor, respect, dignity, value and worth. This is a gift from God.
May the Lord heal your brokenness from unhealthy friendships, and may He teach us value and worth. May the Lord free you to only be available to those He reveals as friends. Not being a people pleaser will free you up considerably.
There's no rivalry in true friendship love and you can have it with more than one. There is no competition, only completion. There's no division. It's a holy union that causes us to want to come together - not one that makes us feel we have to.
We long to be together. We don't need to be convinced to - that's not God, it's man. The 1st disciples had everything in common and never stopped coming together. None had too little, none had too much.
Sounds like the Acts church had brotherly Phileo love.
Get with the Lord and lift up your relationships. Ask him who is who? Who do I need to sever the relationship, and who is real?
It will be necessary to go to God to get released from unhealthy soul ties, but it's paramount that you do. It's part of self love.
